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“Forgiveness is the act of compassionately releasing the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offense. It’s a state of grace, nothing you can force or pretend. There are no short cuts.” says Judith Orloff M. D.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you don’t feel anger or any other emotion. It’s natural to feel angry, to say “I’m not going to let that **** get away with this,” whatever “this” is.   However, what does this negative emotion do to you in the mean time. You get sick to your stomach thinking about your need for revenge. Meantime, the person you are angry at or with doesn’t even care or acknowledges your emotion. Forgiveness refers to the actor not the act. Not to the offense but the woundedness of the offender.

I remember watching an Oprah show where she talked about how angry she was with a colleague only to see the colleague walking down the street angry while she was burning up inside with anger. After the anger you have to forgive yourself and then the person. This doesn’t make you a pushover; you’re just refusing to act in a tediously destructive way antithetical to ever finding peace. As Confucious says, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”Forgiving might not make anger totally dissolve but it will give you the freedom of knowing you are so much more.

Judith Orloff MD is the author of the New York Times bestseller Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

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As anyone who has been in a situation where they are positive and others are negative knows, it can be very hard not to be dragged down into the pool of negativity. But, with the tips I’ve listed here, you should be able to tackle negative situations and people with a solid set of tools that will help you cope. And If those tips and tricks don’t help you, here are some blog posts that might help you cope with negative people that you just can’t eliminate from your life:

 

• Remember: you can control how you feel. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I use that quote when I’m around people who make me feel negative or upset and I change it around a little bit to say, “No one can make me feel [angry/negative/upset/etc.] without my consent.” It can be so hard to realize this in the heat of an unpleasant encounter, but we always, always have the option to choose the mindset we want to have. No matter what other people say or do or even how they try to make us feel, we have the power to choose the way we look at situations and, importantly, how we react to them.
• Value your own thoughts and emotions. The more you value yourself, your thoughts, and emotions, the less someone else can control and manipulate you to feel a certain way. Personally, the older I get and the more I learn about life and myself, the more confident I feel and the less I’m worried about what other people say/do/think. Yes, to some extent I care, but I try to focus on the opinions, words, and actions of those who have a positive effect on my life and worry little about those who bring negativity into my life.
• Limit your interactions when possible. You have to do what you can to limit your interactions with the people that don’t bring you happiness and positivity. Often there are events and functions you don’t have to attend and you should avoid those when possible (but don’t let those situations create battles between you and your other friends/family member…it’s essential to be aware of others’ feelings too). If there are things you absolutely can’t get out of, you have to go into them with a positive attitude.
• Worry only about yourself and what you’re doing. When it comes down to it, the only person you have to worry about is YOU. You don’t have to worry about what negative people say/think/do. You have to be happy with yourself and you cannot waste time worrying about them or letting them bring you down. No matter how much you might care about the other people in your life, the only person you can really control is yourself so, when faced with negative people, focus on what you can do to make your experience better. You cannot worry about them because, no matter how much you might want to, you might not be able to change their attitudes. Instead, focus on yourself.
• Make the choice to be positive. Hard as it is sometimes, positivity is always an option. You can choose to let others bring you down or you can choose to bring yourself up. Every time you are with a negative person, you have the choice to view him/her in a positive light. It won’t be easy, but it’s always an option. The more I practice being positive on a daily basis and make it an active choice in my life, the easier I find that it is to cope with negative people and situations. I find myself much more willing to be positive in spite of others’ negativity — and you can do that too!
• Talk to an objective party. If you’re seriously struggling with a situation in which someone’s negativity is bringing you down, I’d highly recommend talking to a therapist (or, if that’s not an option, a close friend that’s removed from the situation). Being able to express yourself to a third party is really crucial in this situation because you don’t want to take your feelings out on the negative person or others around you. Seeing a therapist has really helped me to deal with some of the people and issues in my life that I can’t completely eliminate.

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Besides virtue and other character qualities, a woman of substance has knowledge. This does not mean just knowledge about makeup or hairstyles, but knowledge about subjects of interest to others. A woman of substance will educate herself fully about current issues. She will know about crises and concerns within her city, state and nation. She will want to take action to do all she can to help, whether by writing a letter to the editor or running for office. She will be aware of and participate in the political process.

A woman of substance has her own hobbies and outside interests. Her happiness is not entirely wrapped up in her job or her significant other/husband. She finds enjoyment in hobbies such as scrapbooking, writing or sports. She enjoys nights out with friends who share her same hobbies.

A woman of substance values her family highly. She cares about building a firm relationship with her husband if she is married, not a shallow relationship based on first-attraction feelings. She knows that love is built through the hard and good times, and she does not quit when things get rough. Her children respect her for her kindness and firmness. She tries to spend time with her children and be there for their school and extracurricular activities.

Read more: What Does it Mean to Be a Woman of Substance? | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/way_5397665_mean-woman-substance.html#ixzz1GPEsFcaH

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A woman of substance conducts herself with patience. Even when her life, job, friends, children or husband drive her crazy, she knows that it is better to respond with patience than to react in anger. Because there is more to her life than just her friends or her job, she knows that she has hobbies and goals that she can look forward to beyond the present frustrating moments.A woman of substance conducts her life with honesty and integrity. She is aware that it is better to get a fair promotion than a promotion gained from dishonesty or hurtfulness to a co-worker. She knows that life consists of more than money, so she would not have the desire to cheat on her taxes or keep an extra dollar of change the cashier gave her at the grocery store.Other character qualities a woman of substance should have include peacefulness, love, patience and steadfastness—to name a few. She possesses virtues that make others around her notice that she is not shallow.

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What Does it Mean to Be a Woman of Substance?

To discover what it means to be a woman of substance, we must define the term. Dictionary.com lists a variety of meanings for substance. One is: “substantial or solid character or quality.” Other definitions included “consistency, body” and “something that … Continue reading →

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Domestic violence is usually very overt and easy to recognize. Sometimes though, abuse is covert and we may not even realize we are in an abusive relationship. Here you will find help in understanding abuse and identifying whether or not you are in an abusive relationship.

Domestic abuse of any kind is about control. Whether domestic abuse is covert or overt, it is an immature reaction to a sense of helplessness and feelings of loss of control. Aggression is primitive and immature reactions to a sense of helplessness and feeling a loss of control. Domestic abuse, violet or non-violent is used to keep a sense of safety for the abuser

There are many types of domestic abuse a spouse can inflict upon another spouse. Physical abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, sexual abuse and financial abuse are some common ones. Below are some guidelines that will help you identify and the different types of abuse.

Ambient Abuse:

Living in an atmosphere of fear, intimidation and unpredictability. By creating an atmosphere of abuse the abuser avoids direct acts of abuse such as striking their spouse. They can maintain control by manipulating the spouse with threats. Such an environment will erode the victim’s self – worth and self – confidence. In such situations, the abuser’s actions are often referred to as “crazy making” behavior. The victim feels as if they are going crazy but can’t quite put their finger on the reason.

Some examples of ambient abuse would be withholding affection or intimacy, rolling their eyes when you express an opinion or criticizing your actions, “for your own good.”

Disproportionate Abuse:

Does your spouse react with a violent rage to the slightest upset? If your spouse’s reactions to events are exaggerated then you are living with abuse that is disproportionate to the imaged offense. In a situation like this, it does not matter how gently you try to communicate an issue with your spouse, they will respond with a temper tantrum. Your abuser will get your attention and cause intimidation when they react by throwing things, slamming doors, getting in your face or screaming and yelling.

Impossible Situations:

The abuser engineer’s impossible, dangerous, unpredictable, unprecedented, or highly specific situations in which he is needed, depended on or considered the only source of authority, knowledge, skills, or useful traits. Consequently, the abuser generates his own indispensability. In his/her mind and yours, you are completely dependent on him and you should never forget it. The moment you do, he will find someway to put you in your place again.

Objectification:

Most abusers lack empathy. They dehumanize and treat people like inane objects, extensions of themselves, or instruments to be played as they wish. Physical, psychological, verbal and sexual abuses are all forms of dehumanization and objectification. They view their victim as nothing more than a comfortable, old chair that can be easily discarded should it become uncomfortable. In other words, their level of comfort is their only concern and they will sell you down the river to hold onto that comfort.

Abuse By Proxy:

An abuser will recruit friends, neighbors, family members, the police, the media…anyone he can find to threaten you, harass you and manipulate you into doing what they want.

This kind of abuse is often played out in divorce court. A spouse will hire an adversarial attorney to try and punish you. He/she will lie under oath to try and get a judge to rule against you in hopes that you will suffer legal and social sanctions. Of course, before you even went to court they had turned your friends and family against you with lies and manipulations. With a spouse like this, you are lucky to be going through a divorce.

Do you know anyone who has been the victim of Domestic abuse. Share your story and help someone who may need to hear it

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To be in love with Christ is to be in love with the word of God

Our feelings of “Why me, God?” are real. They are based on real events, but our conclusions may not be accurate. While we don’t want to minimize the pain you feel in any way, we do want to try to help you look more closely at why you feel singled out and whether or not you’ve arrived at a valid conclusion. The answers to why we conclude anything, even why we question God’s intent or purpose in any event, can be found in our highly individualized network of beliefs.

We absorb our beliefs from our parents, teachers, life experiences, books, etc. Some of what we have come to believe may sound right, but in reality our views might be too narrowly defined or inaccurate. We have bought into many ideas and concepts that distort our right thinking and actually work against us. For example, we have learned untruths that cause us to live the role of the victim, either of circumstances or of our past. These erred beliefs cause us to cry out in pain, “Why me, Lord?”

God’s answer is that we are not victims but victors. God has said that we can trust Him in everything and that every event in our lives should be counted as ALL joy (James 1:2). He has also told us that He will cause good to come out of every situation for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). When we ask “Why me, God” it’s really because we don’t believe God. Our belief system opposes God, so we feel singled out and victimized.

Most of us believe, at least on some level, that we need to understand everything. We just need to know why. When we don’t, we may feel God has betrayed us in some way. In reality, it’s not God who is confusing us or betraying us, it is our belief system. All those inconsistent, partially correct beliefs cause us to question God’s fairness in what we are experiencing. For example, somewhere in our belief system, we may have come to believe that we deserve to be blessed because we have been diligent to honor God, been a good person, fed the hungry, or helped our neighbor. We often believe that the things we do should keep us from harm’s way. Then when something bad happens, we are confused and ask God why.

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I am guilty. In the past when situations happen, the first thing I ask is Why me? I try to keep my thought positive and pure. I try to do good even those who do me wrong. I ty to live a clean life. I have kept the faith. However, when the Karma doesn’t return, I find myself in the valley of asking that age old question. I’ve have learn to stop judging events as being bad for me but choose to see them as experiences.

I’m sure you are asking, “Why me, God?” because something has happened that caused you to feel somehow singled out. Perhaps you feel that God must be punishing you for some reason. Why else would this be happening to you? Be assured. You are not alone. God has not abandoned you and He has not singled you out, no matter how you feel right now. Whatever you are going through, God’s promise is that He will see you through and give you the strength and direction you need. God wants you to know that He understands how you feel, that He knows more about your situation than you do, and that He saw it coming before you did. Above all, He began to work on His resolution for you before you even knew to ask! The reality here is that God is for you. He is not against you.

Now instead of asking why me –  I choose to affirm my experience by allowing positive energy in. When a situation happens, I mile and say “God, this is going to be an interesting journey. I’m excited to see how you are going to bring good out of this one. I trust you will!”

Why me God...

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A young woman has survived after falling from the 23rd floor of a hotel in the Argentine capital, Buenos Aires.

Her fall was broken by a taxi, whose driver got out moments before the impact crushed the roof and shattered the windscreen.

Eyewitness said the woman had climbed over a safety barrier and leapt from a restaurant at the top of the Hotel Crown Plaza Panamericano.

She was taken to intensive care for treatment for multiple injuries.

To read more:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-12270609

Re-connecting to Love

There are scatterings of this wisdom found in time. It is seen in the turns of the seasons, the wisdom of nature and the innocence of a child. These scatterings alone do not hold enough power to bring the healing of the world. Something else is needed. This something else is the link that unites all of these scattered pieces of wisdom together. This link is the idea of love and is found in the mind of every person who walks this earth. It is to the idea of love that we must turn to allow innocence to flourish in time for without innocence all life will perish.

When a person re-connects to love and begins to disconnect from the boundaries and barriers that time and space sets on the mind, it begins to connect to another Source that is powerful enough to move the forces of nature and gentle enough to cradle a child’s innocence. As a person searches for this ancient source of wisdom, a pattern begins to emerge. This pattern is revealed each time the mind is freed from a past perceived hurt. Each step taken becomes a golden thread that binds together the fallen innocence that is scattered in the world. It is this connection that will save the world. There is nothing else. If there were then love would be a lie and all of the betrayal and pain found in the world would be the truth.

Connecting to innocence unites us to the ancient Wisdom found in Heaven.

Heaven cannot unite with what it does not know, but we can align our mind with innocence by perceiving a new way of thinking. We cannot pursue a new way of thinking until the old way is given up as something not wanted.

From Cheril Goodrich

Why the Innocence of a Child is so Precious(next week)